I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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