I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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