He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
