I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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