No stitches, just platelets and will power
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
