i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
