peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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