dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
