You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
