Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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