I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I AM VODKA MAN
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
