his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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