my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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