i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
