Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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