it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
