she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
