Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You were trust falling into bushes
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
