Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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