you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
