I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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