after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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