I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
