i permit you to call me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wish there were birth control emojis
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
