I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
