I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
