Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
