No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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