One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
