ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
