so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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