even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
