just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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