My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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