woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
