I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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