you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
