after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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