nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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