I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
