I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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