We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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