I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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