i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
