if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
