Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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