That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
