I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
