I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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