Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
