I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
