I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
