Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
