I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
